My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
