I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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