the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
