Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
