her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
