Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
