Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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