Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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