how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
