hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
