I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize