I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
