God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
