It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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