I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
