im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
