just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
