Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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