I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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