I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
