I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
false alarm. still invincible.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
