For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
