she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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