dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Even my vagina gasped.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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