btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
