i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
