Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
