During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
