Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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