I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
