Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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