if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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