I am puke
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
