she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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