As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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