I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize