trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
