i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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