I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
