we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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