ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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