I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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