never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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