More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
