i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The uberlube is also flammable
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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