What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This toilet bowl is my home.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize