So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
