Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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