Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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