I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
