hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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