McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
