Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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