Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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