My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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