i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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