I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
