? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize