Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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