And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize