I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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