So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
