Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
