maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
this hospital has no fireball
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
