FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
