Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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