He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
