its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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