When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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