if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
