Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
