first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
