In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
