Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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