I CAN MOONWALK!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
