Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
