I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No subtext here. People are naked.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
