Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
