sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
