I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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