Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
