thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
