I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
