Don't make out with my wife yet
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
