Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
