Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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