wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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