i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
