One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
