you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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