i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
