I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
