Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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