literally had 100 drinks last night.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
