so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
