someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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