I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
