I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
