I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize