U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
