You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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