I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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