Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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