Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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