My room smells like vodka and shame
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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