I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
