Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm too high and old for this...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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