none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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