he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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